So I did! I started posting them on facebook, and you were lucky enough to find them here! Here are the first 22 of my aptly named "Pete's Awesome Jokes." More will be coming soon, so stay tuned. If you would like to submit an awesome joke, just leave a comment and realize that any awesome joke you submit will be stolen and I will take full credit for it.
NOW BEHOLD! SOME AWESOME JOKES:
Awesome Joke #1: A priest, a rabbi and an atheist walk into a bar. They order drinks and a bloomin' onion.
Awesome Joke #2: Three ducks are walking through the woods when they come across a magic lamp, and out pops a genie. "I will grant each of you one wish" the genie says. Then the ducks say QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
Awesome Joke #3: What's the difference between a puppy and a woman. Well, a puppy pees on your floor, but a woman GETS INTO THAT KITCHEN RIGHT NOW AND MAKES ME A SAMMICH!
Awesome Joke #4: Two moose are in the woods when they spot a naked man running with a rifle. The first moose says to the second moose, "Have you seen my Garfield book?"
Awesome Joke #5: One cow says to another cow, "Got milk?"
Awesome Joke #6: How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the light bulb.
Awesome Joke #7: What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton? Skeletons can't talk.
Awesome Joke #8: A jellyfish is lying on the beach, peeing on himself.
Awesome Joke #9: A priest, a rabbi and a mushroom walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve your kind in here!" The priest leaves quietly.
Awesome Joke #10: Crab-apples.
Awesome Joke #11: What does "SOS" stand for? Save Our Farms.
(These signs are posted all around my neighbourhood)
Awesome Joke #12: Awesome Joke #6...
(i.e. The facebook comment exchange)
Awesome Joke #13: (Spoken with a terrible Irish accent) A man is walking through the woods in Ireland when he comes across a leprechaun, but he ran away because he didn't want leprosy.
Awesome Joke #14: True story. My in-laws BBQ 30 feet away from their grazing beef cattle.
Awesome Joke #15: How many awesome jokes does it take to get un-friended? Answer: 6.
('Maria' un-friended me after the comment exchange for joke #6)
Awesome Joke #16 (by special guest, Cindy Dockendorff): Why did the man eat the snake? 'Cause he was hungry!
Awesome Joke #17: How many Cindy Dockendorffs does it take to steal Awesome Joke #16. Answer: 1. But it's okay because her last name sounds like a heavy metal supergroup.
Awesome Joke #18: Two men dive into a swimming pool, but the first guy accidentally loses his trunks. The second guy says, "Wow. Einstein was right!"
Awesome Joke #19: A student says to his teacher, "My dog ate my homework!" So Stanley Milgram had him electrocuted.
Awesome Joke #20: Two flies are sipping margaritas on a pile of dung. One fly says "What's that awful smell?" The other fly sniffs and says, "I have wings sticking out of my thorax!"
Awesome Joke #21: What's the difference between a hamster and your grandpa? A hamster stuffs seed in his cheeks, but your grandpa smells funny!
Awesome Joke #22: Two birds are sitting on a telephone wire, watching the traffic. One bird says, "Which colour car is your favourite to poop on?" The other bird shrugs and says, "My dad died this morning."
